Loneliness

I am not a stranger, insofar as having feelings of being alone.  They come and I live with them, defending myself against them through rationalization, getting it off my mind, diverting myself to happy thoughts.  But nevertheless, the feelings of loneliness aren't always easy to brush off.  They creep at me and stay deep, leaving me feeling cold and wanting.  They make me feel envious, sad, lacking.  What can one do to not feel alone?  It might bring about feelings of regrets, of wanting to change his or her past, and the feeling of utter hopelessness that comes with it. 

- from a correspondence between two angels

That Which Fell

A soft unexpected thud reverberated ephemeral in the silence of the room.  I occupied it alone in this early morning's wintry rain.  Such little things gave me keen notice and I reacted plainly to find that which fell.

My eyes dutifully scanned the ill-lit floor but found nothing out of place.  There was nothing, yet I was certain it was somewhere.  My ears have not started to deceive me so strongly yet, though I knew that at times I hear memories of songs and humming that I banish for my foolish imagination.

I understood those that I hear as interpolations of my mind to the machineries of time and calculus.  Yet I was afraid.  They disturbed me, my fears.

That which fell.  I would be compelled to find it however hidden from my eyes.  To my ears it was unabashedly announced.

Such little thing, this obsession.  This is my insanity.

Electron Death

The cleaner was frantic when she called me about the explosion.  I coolly marched to the scene of interest.  It smelled burnt, a wreckage.  Lights were dead.  My first instinct was to try to switch on the lights but she stopped me --  they at least wanted to be farther from where I was when I do something.   Strange people who fear.  Now I was back, lost, thinking of death.  There's nothing for me to do. 


I looked at the breaker in earnest, trying to read out the faded labels with the dim light from my phone.  Nothing to see there.  The rather aged breakers appeared unremarkable, except...  one seemed to have glistening marks of condensation.  Must have been from some leakage due to rain and shoddy water proofing.  These problems never ceased.

I tried to see better, but I was again stopped.  He must have thought I was planning to touch the board, though I only meant to look close.  "It was dangerous," he said, "there's still current going."  He shut down the mains.  I was left alone in the dark so I walked back the way I came.  Nothing.